he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
