Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
