Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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