You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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