Can i not drive my cunt home
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
did you just send me my own nude
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
