I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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