accomplished twins. life is a go
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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