I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
