So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Shame is for Republicans.
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