she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
