Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A bitchslap is in order.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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