he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
