so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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