I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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