Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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