Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize