Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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