I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
