hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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