Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
