i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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