Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
