Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
