i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
