So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
