I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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