I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
