she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
