I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
