I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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