Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want nice things and good sex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
