in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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