apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
