I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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