Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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