ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
