apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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