umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
