i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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