everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
