I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
