As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize