Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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