This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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