I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
