if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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