So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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