Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
