so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
