He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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