You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
