Plan B is the new Plan A
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
