He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
