Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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