So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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