I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm always down for nudity.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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