I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize