i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
