Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
