yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Every concussion has its silver lining
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
