He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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