yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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